


Afterlife

by dragonflybeach



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU Afterlife, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Really Character Death, and more hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21564043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonflybeach/pseuds/dragonflybeach
Summary: Bucky Barnes died after falling from the train. Hades gives him the choice of staying in Heaven, or going back to a war.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	Afterlife

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post on the tumblr tag "God goes to college".

It was so cold. 

He was freezing, and his arm was gone. 

He didn’t know which one was going to get him first, but he was pretty sure that even Steve, with his new strong and fast body, couldn’t get to him in time.

It was so cold, and the only thing Bucky could do was close his eyes and pretend that he was home, with Steve, in the crappy little apartment. He would imagine that it was spring, so it wouldn’t be too hot. 

He imagined lying on the lumpy couch in the sunshine, with Steve’s pencil scratching on paper. 

Steve was strong and healthy and wouldn’t ever have to fear pneumonia again. 

He pretended so well that he realized that he had stopped shivering. 

Actually, he couldn’t hear the wind any more. 

He opened his eyes, and it was dark. 

He sat up slowly, looking around. 

He was no longer laying in snow. The wind wasn’t howling through the ravine. Actually, he couldn’t hear anything at all, except possibly a fire in the distance. 

It was dark. Not dark like night in the wilderness, away from street lights. It was completely dark. There were no stars, no pale glow from the moon. 

There was a faint light to the south/southwest, so he slowly stood and walked in that direction. 

He stretched, and realized that his arm was again attached. 

_I’m dead._

_I’m dead, and I’m walking down the hall to Heaven._

It must be Heaven, because Sister Mary Patience had said Hell was the Outer Darkness, so he wouldn’t be walking _into_ the light if he were going to Hell. 

_How the hell did I end up in Heaven?_

Bucky walked a mile or so by his reckoning, until he finally reached the doorway to the light. 

It wasn’t a doorway per se, but an opening where it was dark and barren on one side, and warm and bright on the other. 

Bucky reached for his gun before stepping into the light, but it wasn’t there. 

_Of course it isn’t there. I’m dead and they don’t let dead people carry guns._

_But if I’m dead, it’s not like they can kill me again._

Taking a deep breath, he stepped through the opening. 

He was in a study, like rich people had in the movies. There were books lining the walls, and a middle aged man sitting in a comfortable looking armchair in front of the fireplace. 

“James Buchanan Barnes. Welcome.” the man said. 

“God?” Bucky frowned. 

The man was much younger than Bucky had expected God would be. He didn’t look a day over 40, honestly. Not to mention that he was olive skinned with very Mediteranean features, rather than the light skinned white man portrayed in so many paintings at church. 

“One of them.” The man shrugged. “I’m Hades.”

“Hades.” Bucky repeated. “Like Greek god, Hades.”

“Very good.” the man inclined his head. “Most people don’t know the difference between my Greek and my Roman names. Please, have a seat, Sergeant Barnes."

Bucky sat across from the man in a matching chair he was certain hadn't been there a moment ago.

"So what is this?" Bucky asked. "Heaven or Hell? Or is this an interview to decide where I belong?"

"Heaven and Hell are the same place. That hippie Jesus was the one telling everyone differently. Although I do admire what he was trying to do - convince people to be decent human beings."

"So what happens now?" Bucky asked.

"For most souls, Charon would take you through the River Lethe and you move on to your eternity, never remembering your prior life. Maybe two or three souls per century pass through that I want to meet. You are one of them."

Bucky shrugged. "Ain't nothin' special about me. I'm just a soldier from Brooklyn."

“And that’s why you’ve caught my attention.” Hades nodded. “First of all, you’ve been responsible for numerous arrivals in the underworld.”

Bucky snorted.

“And there’s the matter of your last mission.” Hades continued. 

Bucky tilted his head curiously, but didn’t say anything. 

“You went on an extremely dangerous mission to try to capture a man who had tortured you. No one would have questioned it if you had withdrawn from the mission.”

“I had a score to settle with Zola.” Bucky did his best to look completely unimpressed. 

“That’s what you told your unit.” Hades raised an eyebrow at him. “The truth is, that you went to make sure Zola didn’t get his hands on Steve. You didn’t want Steve to become an experiment like you were.”

“I don’t know if you noticed, pal, but Steve already became a science project.”

“Which means that he is more than capable of taking care of himself.” Hades waved a hand and a glass of whiskey appeared in it. “Yet you chose to stay to protect him when you could have taken a hero’s discharge and gone home. You have been protecting him at risk to yourself since you were a child. You have remarkable courage and even more remarkable loyalty, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Steve would have done the same for me.” 

“Probably, which would make you one of the most remarkable pairs since Achilles and Patroclus.” He waved his hand again, and a glass of whiskey appeared in Bucky’s hand. “I realize that I have a reputation for being frightening. It’s mostly because people don’t understand death. I also have a reputation for being unfailingly fair, which is why I am meeting with you.”

Bucky took a sip and then looked again at his glass, noting that it was incredibly smooth, with just a hint of smoky taste. He nodded in appreciation, raising his glass in salute to his host. 

“Have you ever wondered why souls stay in the underworld. Sergeant Barnes?”

“Not really?” Bucky frowned. “I just figured that when your time on Earth was done, you went to Heaven or Hell for eternity. Of course, I grew up in a church founded in the name of ‘that hippie Jesus.’ I was always taught that it was up to God to decide, and humans didn’t have much say in the matter.”

“You’re partially right.” Hades made a face. “Most of the souls arriving here have lived out their lives on Earth, and have left bodies that have become old and worn out. They come here, and they’re young again, mostly in the Asphodel Meadows, because they haven’t done anything noteworthy enough with their lives to warrant reward or torment. They have no desire to leave, but they can’t anyway. Eternity in Asphodel Meadows is exactly that.” Hades sipped his drink before continuing. “You, however, have earned a place in Elysium, due to your heroism. The souls in Elysium may choose to return to Earth if they so desire, as usually they may be of further service to the world.”

Bucky shifted in his chair and opened his mouth to speak, but Hades held up a hand to silence him. 

“It’s very simple. When someone comes from the living world, they come with nothing but their soul. They have nothing to lose. If I didn’t give them an incentive to stay, many would want to go back to their lives, their families, whatever they left behind. So I give you the greatest desire of your heart. As long as you stay, it’s yours, without condition. Most choose to stay, and to bathe in the River Lethe to make themselves forget their prior lives. But if you ever decide you want to leave, you leave it behind. That’s why ghosts are miserable. They find that whatever they wanted so badly to return to isn’t worth the happiness they’ve left here, but they’ve made their choice and they can’t come back. If you leave the underworld, you must stay on Earth until you die again.”

“So if I choose to go back to Steve right now, do I get my arm back?”

“No, I’m afraid the arm is gone.”

“But Howard could build me another one, if I can’t get mine back.” Bucky said, more to himself than to his host. “I need to go back to Steve.”

“There’s that loyalty again.” Hades shook his finger in the air. “My offer is this - you stay here for three days. You spend three days in a hero’s eternity. At the end of three days, if you truly want to return, I will allow it. You will find yourself back in the exact moment and circumstances in which you died, but with an additional twelve hours to live. I cannot guarantee that help will find you in that time. I cannot assist you further than that.”

“I’d have a chance, right? I’d have twelve hours. I’ve found out the hard way that I can do a lot of healing in twelve hours, pal.”

“You are correct in that.” Hades agrees with a tip of his head. “But please keep an open mind. Three days is all I ask. Give your life here that much time, and if it’s not what you want, you can return to the same moment on Earth.”

Bucky finished his whiskey. 

“What now?” Bucky asked. 

“Through that door,” Hades pointed at the opening Bucky had come through, still dark on the other side. “Is your heaven.”

“In the dark?”

“Walk through and find out, Sergeant Barnes.” Hades waved a hand. “I will see you in three days.”

Bucky put his glass down on the floor beside the chair leg. With one more look at Hades, who smiled blandly like some royalty in a painting, he stood and walked through the portal. 

He found himself in his and Steve’s old apartment from before the war, except that it wasn’t. 

This apartment was bright and airy, with wide windows and nice furniture rather than the junk they had rescued from the trash heap. It was warm, and he could smell roast beef. 

“About time you got back!” Steve’s voice called from the kitchen. “Did ya have to go to China for that sugar?”

Bucky looked down and realized that he had a two pound sack of sugar in his hand. 

And that he had two arms again. 

“Chiang Kai-shek asked me to stay for dinner.” Bucky called back. “Would’ve been rude to say no.”

Steve came through the doorway grinning. 

Steve was short again, but he was healthy. His eyes were bright, his skin was lightly tanned, and his lips no longer had the slightly blue tint that they held up until the serum. 

“As long as you aren’t making time with some pretty Oriental girl when I’m here waiting for you.” Steve said. 

He walked up and kissed Bucky on the mouth. “Come on, dinner’s ready. I just need to add sugar to the lemonade.”

Steve took the bag of sugar and headed back to the kitchen. Bucky followed, still somewhat stunned, rubbing his hand over his mouth. 

The kitchen, which Bucky used to joke had looked like a prison cell, was also light and sunny, with smart striped wallpaper instead of the faded, peeling paint it really had. There was a pot roast with potatoes and carrots on the table, a bowl of rice, and fluffy yeast rolls with butter.

There was more food on the table at that moment than had been on Bucky and Steve’s table during some weeks in the winter. 

Bucky looked around, noting a basket of fresh fruit on the counter and a pantry shelf full of canned goods. He stepped around Steve to take a peek in the icebox. 

It wasn’t an old fashioned ice box. It was a real, top of the line Westinghouse refrigerator, and it was full of food as well. 

Steve swatted him with a kitchen towel. “Hey! I’ve been slaving over this hot stove to make your dinner and you’re in the fridge?”

Bucky laughed. “Just checking my options for later.”

Steve put a pitcher of lemonade on the table. “Fair enough, since it’s your turn to cook tomorrow, Mr. Leftovers Are Fine.”

Bucky closed the door, and noticed the newspaper page pinned to the front of the fridge for the first time. 

**“Roosevelt Signs Civil Rights Bill”**

He skimmed the article as quickly as he could, learning that apparently Hitler had been defeated in Europe before the US entered the war. To make sure that concentration camps never happened in the states, President Roosevelt had signed a constitutional amendment making it illegal to discriminate against anyone on the basis of their skin color, religion, ethnic background, or sexual preferences. 

“You know, one day you’re going to get tired of reading about how it’s not against the law to be a fairy any more.” Steve teased. 

“Why whould I get tired of being told I can have what I always wanted?” Bucky asked with a wink. 

“Well if you want it, get over here and eat dinner so we can go to bed.” Steve smirked. 

The meal was delicious. Steve told Bucky about the art commission he’d gotten, “just for fun, because I like to keep in practice even if we don’t have to work any more.”

“We don’t have to work any more?” Bucky repeated. 

“No, we don’t have to work any more, you big dope.” Steve snorted. “My great uncle Ciaran back in Ireland left us plenty of money as long as we don’t go crazy with it. When we work, it’s just to afford something special or because we want something to do. Did you hit your head while you were out?”

“I just like hearing you say it.” Bucky smiled.

“Keep that up and you’ll be sucking your own dick tonight.” Steve replied, pretending to be put out. 

Bucky swallowed hard. 

Steve broke into a wicked smile. “I knew that would work.”

They finished dinner and cleaned up together afterwards. 

As soon as Steve finished drying and putting away the last dish, he turned to Bucky. 

He stepped in close, tipped his head back, reached up to curl his hands around the back of Bucky’s head, and pulled him down for a kiss.

They kissed slowly and lazily for a few moments before Steve broke away and dropped to his knees. He tugged on Bucky’s belt to turn him, so that Buck’s back was against the sink. 

Then he unhooked Bucky’s belt, pulled his pants down, and swallowed Bucky’s cock down in one motion. 

Bucky gripped the edge of the counter behind him and recited the alphabet backwards to keep himself under control.

Steve was better at this than the few girls who had ever done it for him, and actually seeing Steve doing this, after imagining it for so many years, was enough to have him dangerously close already. 

“Steve.” He groaned. 

Steve pulled off with a pop and grinned up at Bucky. “Race ya to the bed. Winner gets to decide what we do next.”

And with that, Steve was gone, leaving Bucky in the kitchen with his pants around his ankles and his erection getting chilled. 

“Hey! No fair!” he called after Steve, who just laughed. 

Bucky kicked his pants and shoes off, leaving them in the kitchen floor. He unbuttoned his shirt as he went, dropping it as well, so by the time he got to the bedroom, he was in his undershirt and nothing else. 

Steve was on his knees on the bed, stripped down to his underwear. He froze, staring at Bucky for a long moment and visibly swallowing. 

“Damn, I never get tired of looking at you.” Steve whispered. 

Bucky pulled the undershirt over his head and climbed onto the bed with him. He wrapped both hands around Steve’s cheeks and kissed him for several long moments. 

Steve pulled away and swatted at Bucky’s hands. “Hey! I won fair and square! I get to pick what we do now!”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing fair or square about running off while I’ve got my dick out and my pants down.”

Steve grinned at him, slowing pulling his own undershirt off. 

“So what are we going to do?” Bucky asked. 

“I think you’re going to give me a suckjob for a couple minutes, and then you’re gonna fuck me so good that I see stars and little birdies and whatever like in the cartoons.” Steve said. 

“I think that’s what people see when they hit their heads in cartoons.” Bucky shook his head. “That’s not what they see when they’re making time.”

“Depends on who’s drawing the cartoons.” Steve winked. 

He reached into the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a tiny jar of something thick and white, probably shortening, guessing from the faint oily scent.

Steve laid back and Bucky followed him down, discreetly testing the bed for the squeaky springs they used to have. 

The bed was quiet, and much more comfortable than they one they used to have. 

He kissed Steve on the mouth, trailing out to his ear and then down his neck. He nipped at Steve’s collarbone and flicked a nipple with his tongue. 

“Buck!” Steve whined. “I’m gonna die of old age before you get your mouth where I want it!”

“You’ll be coming and going.” Bucky joked, and Steve laughed.

He kissed his way down Steve’s belly, biting at his hip bones, and nosing at his cloth covered erection. 

“Buck!” Steve whined again, shifting his hips. 

Bucky obliged him by pulling down his underwear and licking Steve’s dick from root to tip. 

Steve made a noise that didn’t even sound human. 

Bucky sucked him slowly, stopping every few strokes to lick teasingly. He slicked up a finger, which slid in easily, and found Steve’s prostate, making his hips jerk. 

“Buck!” 

“Tell me what you want, Stevie.” Bucky whispered. 

“I want you to hurry up and stick your dick in me before I run off with Betty Lou Gibson!” Steve hissed. 

“Betty Lou Gibson is old enough to be your mother.” Bucky snorted. 

“Betty Lou would marry me and we both know it.” Steve insisted. 

“Well then I better make sure you don’t want to leave.” Bucky experimentally slid two fingers into Steve, meeting little resistance. 

“I’m still open from earlier.” Steve whined. “Come on.”

Bucky grabbed the pillow next to Steve’s head and put it under Steve’s hips. Then he slicked himself up and slowly pushed into Steve. 

They both moaned as Bucky bottomed out. 

The way Steve looked up at him, eyes full of wonder and love, was better than anything Bucky could have imagined. 

“Are … are you … ready?” Bucky asked, his voice quivering. 

“Buck?” Steve’s brow creased. He scrambled up, causing Bucky’s dick to slide out of him, and put a hand against Bucky’s cheek. “What’s wrong? You’re crying.”

Bucky kissed him. “I just love you so much. I thought I’d never have this.”

Steve smiled softly. “You big sap. Well come on then, let’s get on with it.”

He laid back down, and this time when Bucky pressed in, he didn’t hesitate, but started thrusting immediately. 

Steve met him stroke for stroke, moaning, spewing words that would make a hooker blush, demanding more, harder, faster. 

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m not gonna fucking break!”

He wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist and stroked himself as Bucky pounded into him. 

They finished within seconds of each other, and Steve pulled Bucky down on top of him, although he had to have been crushing Steve. 

“Pretty sure Betty Lou couldn’t give it to me like that.” Steve said, not even short of breath.

“Pretty sure Betty Lou doesn’t have the parts to give it to you like that.” Bucky snorted. 

“I guess you’re stuck with me then.”

“I think I’ll survive.” Bucky murmured, smiling, as he kissed Steve’s temple and rolled them onto their sides. 

Bucky woke up the next morning with Steve rolling him onto his stomach. Steve then proceeded to do things with his fingers, tongue, and eventually his cock, that far surpassed anything Bucky had ever imagined. 

Afterward they lounged in bed, lazily kissing and necking until Bucky’s stomach rumbled. 

They made breakfast together, western omelettes with real fresh vegetables and coffee made in an electric percolator. 

They cleaned the kitchen and washed up afterwards.

“What are we going to do today?” Bucky asked. 

“You want to take a picnic to Rockaway Beach?” Steve suggested. 

They packed sandwiches and apples into a basket, picked up a couple root beers from the corner store, and headed to the beach.

They splashed in the water a bit, ate their lunch, and relaxed on the sand. A ball bounced into Steve’s lap and he stood to return it to the children who had been playing with it. 

Bucky watched Steve walk three steps, and then everything froze. No one was moving and all sound stopped. 

Bucky sat up and turned to see Hades sitting beside him. 

“How goes it so far?” Hades asked. 

“My heaven is a bachelor marriage with Steve?” Bucky said. 

“It starts with a bachelor marriage with Steve, which is now legal.” Hades gestured toward Steve. “Steve is healthy now. He won’t die on you the next time the weather changes. You’ve never been to war. You’ve never been tortured by Zola. Steve was never turned into a laboratory experiment because the country didn’t need him. You have plenty of money and food. Your apartment is safe and warm. Peggy Carter is attending Oxford University and will never come to America. You will spend eternity happy with the man you died for.”

“This isn’t real.” Bucky shook his head.

“It’s as real as anything else here.” Hades shrugged. “This is your heaven, Sergeant Barnes. This is what you have earned. You can stay here forever. Life will be perfect. Steve will never get sick. You’ll never go hungry. You’ll never have to kill anyone and have nightmares about it again. All you have to do is to dip your feet in the River Lethe and forget your past life.”

“And live in a fantasy world forever, where Steve loves me, while the real Steve is out there, probably doing something stupid that could get him killed?”

“Do you really fool yourself that if you were there, that you could stop Steve from doing stupid things?” Hades asked, one eyebrow raised in disbelief. “Furthermore, although the experiments Zola did on you, and the serum that Erskine gave Steve have increased both your durability, neither of you is immortal. What if you went back at the end of your three days, and Steve died the next day? You’d spend the rest of what could likely be a quite long lifetime without him.”

“I’d be beside him. I’d lay down beside him and they would carry two of us home.” Bucky said. 

“You do know that _Romeo and Juliet_ wasn't actually a love story?” Hades asked, rolling his eyes. “Two more days. I’ll see you again, night after next.”

In the blink of an eye, he was gone, and everything and everyone else began moving again. 

Steve sat back down. “You think we might ever have kids?”

Bucky looked at him. “I think neither one of us has the equipment.”

“No, I mean, like adopt. Since they made it legal for queers to live together, you think they ever might make it legal for queers to adopt kids?”

“I dunno.” Bucky shrugged. “Ten years ago, I never imagined that it would be legal to be queer. Maybe one day.” 

“You think we should adopt if they do?” Steve asked. 

“I think we’ve got time to think about it.” Bucky said. “I’m not opposed to having kids, but I kind of like having you to myself.”

Steve smirked. “Yeah, you probably wouldn’t be able to bend me over the couch and fuck me if we had kids running around.”

They had to leave the beach an hour later, sooner than they had planned, because neither of them could stop thinking about Bucky bending Steve over the couch. 

The next day was rainy and dreary, so Bucky and Steve lazed around the house. Bucky spent most of the day reading, while Steve spent his time drawing, except for twice they stopped to have sex. 

The next morning after breakfast, Steve got dressed in a suit and tie. 

“What are you dolled up for?” Bucky asked, expecting an answer along the lines of wanting Bucky to take it off of him and fuck him. 

Steve frowned. “You don’t remember? We’re supposed to have lunch with your family to celebrate Becca getting engaged.”

Bucky felt as if he had been kicked in the chest. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t even thought about his parents and sisters while playing house with Steve.

“My family?” He repeated dumbly. 

“Buck.” Steve groans. “Go get dressed before your mom comes over here and kills us.”

Bucky dressed in a suit he doesn’t remember owning, slicked back his hair, and splashed on his best cologne, which was now Acqua di Parma instead of the Old Spice he used to have. 

There was a car waiting for them when Bucky came out of the bedroom, which should have been his first clue that something was very different in this reality. 

“Becca’s fiance sent it.” Steve said. 

Bucky’s parents still lived in the same place, less than half a mile away, so taking a car there seemed a bit ridiculous to them. 

Bucky slipped the driver a half dollar while Steve marched right up the front steps and walked in without knocking. 

“Steve!” Bucky’s mother called out, and there were sounds of hugs and kisses. “Where is my other son?”

“I’m right here, Ma!” Bucky shouted, making his way into the house. 

His mom grabbed him with the arm that wasn’t wrapped around Steve, hugging them both. “My boys! I haven’t seen you in so long!” 

“We were here last week!” Steve laughed.

“Bucky! Steve!” a younger voice shouted, and then Ginny and Doris were throwing themselves against Steve and Bucky’s backs. 

Bucky hugged his mom and sisters, who he hadn’t seen in almost two years while he’d been in Europe. 

“Better late than never!” George grumbled, but smiled while he said it, clapping both Steve and Bucky on the shoulder.

“Well someone had to get beautiful.” Steve joked, jerking a thumb at Bucky. 

“Come on, Becca and Howard are already in the dining room.” Winifred herded them toward the back of the house.

_Howard._

_No fucking way._

Bucky followed his family into the dining room, and yes, Howard Fucking Stark was sitting beside his oldest sister.

“Bucky!” Becca stood and rounded the table to hug both him and Bucky. Howard stood, offering them both a big smile and a handshake. 

“Ring!” Steve said, and Becca held out her hand, showing off a diamond engagement ring straight out of a Tiffany’s ad. 

“That’s gorgeous.” Steve said, kissing her cheek. “Congratulations, Beccaboo.”

“We have more news!” Becca told them as they sat down. “Howard got the research grant for the robotics program, and Doris is going to come work with him!”

There were various pleased exclamations around the table, as Bucky looked at Howard and asked “Robotics?”

Howard shrugged. “Well, we didn’t go into the war, so it seemed kind of silly to keep making weapons. Robotics is the future. I’m hoping to create robots for everyday use, to clean your house, to do dangerous work so poor workers don’t have to work in unsafe conditions, and maybe even robot soldiers, so no other sons and husbands have to go off to war if another one comes around.”

“That’s brilliant.” Bucky said. “I wish you much success with it.”

“Thank you.” Howard smiled. “I’m hoping it takes off well. There’s always a place for someone like you with good mechanical aptitude. If you ever decide you want a job, let me know. Maybe Ginny will even come to work for us when she finishes school. We can rename it Stark and Barnes Industries.”

“I’m still going to be a nurse.” Ginny announced. 

“Great. You can be our company nurse.” Doris told her.

During the meal, Bucky was reminded how he had always genuinely liked Howard. Becca and Howard seemed very happy together and very well matched, so Bucky was happy for them both. 

Howard wanted to call a car to take them home again, but Bucky insisted that it wasn’t necessary. 

“I know it’s legal now,” Howard said softly, leaning in close to Bucky’s ear. “But there’s still people around who don’t approve of you and Steve. I just want to make sure you’re safe. Your sister wants to be a June bride. We need both of you to be there.”

“Thank you Howard.” Bucky told him. “But I think we can take care of ourselves for the most part. I’ve been pulling Steve out of fights since he was six years old.”

“I’ve heard.” Howard laughed. “Still. If you ever think you need protection, let me know. I can get you a gun that the US Army only wishes they had.”

“I appreciate it.” Bucky said, shaking Howard’s hand. “Take good care of my sister or I might use it on you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” Howard looked over at where Becca sat talking to Ginny. “I know what a rare find she is.”

Steve and Bucky walked home after supper, enjoying the lovely spring evening. 

As soon as they were inside the apartment, Steve pushed Bucky up against the door. 

“Now I’m going to peel that suit off of you slowly, and you’re going to have your wicked way with me.” Steve whispered, grinding against Bucky’s thigh. 

Instead of hard, fast, and dirty like Steve wanted, Bucky made love to him slowly and sweetly. Steve grumbled a little but stopped when Bucky was well on the way to wringing a second orgasm out of him. 

Steve fell asleep cuddled against Bucky’s side, and Bucky waited. 

Just before midnight, he saw a light in the living room. 

He walked through the door, and he was back in Hades’ study. 

“It’s been three days, Sergeant Barnes.” Hades said, gesturing for him to be seated.

“I have to go back.” Bucky whispered. 

“You don’t have to.” Hades shook his head. “You have a choice. Staying here is a perfectly valid choice. If you go back, you go back to a world where Steve doesn’t need you and homosexuality is still illegal. Where one day, he will likely marry someone else and have children.” 

“But he needs me there. I’d rather be there with him as his best friend and nothing more, than stay here and pretend that he loves me.”

“Is it really pretend, Bucky?” Hades asked softly.

“Steve doesn’t love me like that.” Bucky shook his head.

“Steve risked his military career and his freedom to rescue you from Azzano, not even knowing whether you were still alive.” 

Bucky huffed. “Steve left me on my last night before I shipped out to go volunteer to be a science project.”

“Steve wanted to go with you.” Hades reminded him. 

“Still. This isn’t real.” Bucky repeated. “Steve is alive and probably in trouble. He needs me. The real Steve. Not this … daydream cross between what he was and what he is now. I can’t stay here and play house knowing that _my_ Steve is in the middle of the war.”

“If you dip your feet into the River Lethe, you won’t know anything else. This world will be real.”

“But I don't want to make it real!” Bucky shouted, and then looked over his shoulder toward the door, expecting Steve to wake up. “I want to go to the one that _is_ real.” 

“If you walk back through that doorway, you will be in the ravine where you died.” Hades told him. “I can’t guarantee that Steve will find you.”

“But there’s a chance.” Bucky pleaded. “If not, I just freeze to death and bleed out all over again, right? I’d just come right back here.”

“Yes, you would return when you die again.” Hades nodded. “However, I do not control when you return here. That is the realm of The Fates.”

“I know Steve. Steve will find me.”

Hades sighed. “Is this your choice? You wish to return to the world above? You are certain?”

“I am completely certain.” Bucky said. 

Hades raised his hand. 

“Wait.”

Bucky walked to the doorway and looked back into the bedroom, where Steve lay sleeping. 

“I love you.” He whispered.

He stepped back into the study. “I’m ready.” 

Hades waved his hand at the door. When Bucky looked through the door again, it was completely black.

He stepped through and there was nothing under him.

He fell for a split second, before landing on his back in snow. 

He opened his eyes, and he was again at the bottom of the ravine. 

He sat up slowly, and tied his belt around what remained of his arm as a tourniquet.

He slowly pushed himself to his feet, turning slowly to get his bearings. 

_It was morning when I fell. The sun is that way, so that has to be east._

He managed to take about four stumbling steps toward the south, before he stopped to second guess himself. 

_Should I go toward the direction they should be coming from? Should I stay here and try to make my position known? How can I signal if Howard flies them over?_

He gathered enough wood to make a signal fire, and managed to get it started after several attempts. 

He sat back down in the snow, warming himself. 

Within half an hour, he heard men approaching. 

_I knew you’d find me, pal._

However, the men who appeared out of the treeline were not the Howling Commandos. 

They were Russian soldiers. 

“I need help.” He told them. “I am Sergeant James Barnes of the US Army.”

The men stopped and looked at one another.

“Barnes?” one of them said. 

They spoke to each other rapidly in their language. The only words Bucky understood were “American” and “Zola.”

Bucky was hauled back to their camp, and from there, driven in chains to a base in Siberia.

He refused to tell them anything except his name, rank, serial number, and that Captain America would rescue him. 

He was tortured, beaten, and starved. He fought back at every opening, killing three Russian soldiers and injuring several others.

He still didn’t talk. 

On the fifth day, the commander, one of the few at the base who spoke English, came into Bucky’s cell with a newspaper. 

“Captain America will not rescue you.” He said, throwing the newspaper down and walking out. 

**“Captain America Dead!”**

Bucky cried.

When they came to his cell that afternoon, he didn’t fight back.

**Author's Note:**

> Now I've gotten this out of my system, maybe I can get past this scene where I'm stuck on Stars in Your Heart and get back on track.


End file.
